so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
