Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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