dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Im part way to drunk.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
