just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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