I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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