whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize