making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
