Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
