At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
