just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
