I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
