As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
