Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
