Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
