I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
