life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize