i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
