Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
