question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Randomize
