I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
