My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize