Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
