Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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