So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize