my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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