Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
