Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
