Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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