Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
