doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
