Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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