I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Ketchup is God's man juice
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
