this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
why do cheetos always look like penises
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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