Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
