I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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