i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize