Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
