i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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