Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
