the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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