his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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