I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
