I hate your face
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
