I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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