Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
