Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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