I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
