Me too!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
