I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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