worst night to have a conscience
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
