I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
