my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
