I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just want nice things and good sex
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
