The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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