Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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