He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
