Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
