I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
