Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
