to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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