i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
