i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
