we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize