I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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